


The Heart of the Parking Slot

by Feitans



Category: X-Men (Movieverse)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - No Powers, Charles is a Demon, Charles teaches bio n erik teaches chem, Erik is Crushing Harder than a 12-year Old Girl, M/M, Professor!Erik, professor!charles
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-09-30
Updated: 2016-11-06
Packaged: 2018-08-18 16:05:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 12,329
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8167853
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Feitans/pseuds/Feitans
Summary: There's another car in Charles's parking space. The owner of said car is very German, and very /very/ hot. The war begins.





	1. Charles, that's the wrong number

**Author's Note:**

> It's my first fic ever I have no idea what i'm doing ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯  
> not beta'd

The ringing stops and the words start spewing out of Charles’s mouth.

“RAVEN. You know the hot German guy that keeps taking my parking space at the university? He did it /again/. And not only did he take my damn slot again, he had the audacity to smirk at me while I was in my car going to park at another slot. And on top of that, he called today to ask if I found a parking space during my break. Who does he think he is? I was hoping I would resolve this without causing trouble, but this is just driving me mad!” Charles finishes ranting and groans into the phone, sliding down his office chair in the university, eagerly waiting for Raven’s response. 

“The hot German guy, eh?” Is all that comes through after a beat of silence. The muffled snickering that comes with it definitely does not belong to Raven.

Charles’s body stops. His heart stops. His soul stops. It’s him. THE PARKING SPACE THIEF. Oh no. Oh noooo. How could he have possibly called his number? He’s sure he dialed for Raven. He calls her every night. He doesn’t even call anyone else, so she’s always first on the list of calls made. Except the guy called him this morning. Charles physically smacks his forehead against the top of his mahogany table, rattling his lampshade, not believing he would make such a childish mistake. This elicits yet another round of giggles from the asshole on the other end of the line, louder than the last.

After the giggling calms down, the slight German accent comes over the line again. “Now, don’t hurt that pretty face of yours because of me. And as much as I like you calling me the ‘hot German guy’, my name is Erik. With a K. Please never spell my name with a C.” Erik ends with a humph, obviously having some grudge with the letter C. Charles’s face burns with embarrassment at the casual way the German man, named Erik, throws out compliments in a way which seems real close to flirting. And even worse, it’s working on him! Damn Erik and his exquisite, gorgeous face with features chiseled like a Greek god.

Charles shakes himself out of his childish fantasies and takes a deep breath. ‘This man will not get the better of me!’ he silently thought. He breathes out and replies, “My name is Charles, though I believe you knew that beforehand. Now that the formalities are dealt with, I must ask you this. Why must you park in the space reserved for my vehicle? There are free spaces much closer to the gate. I see no reason for your actions, and although it feels silly of me to be so serious about such a small concern, it has been relentlessly bothering me for the entirety of the week. So please Erik, explain yourself.” Charles really does feel idiotic after his speech, but hopes it’ll put an end to this problem that’s as ridiculous as he sounds. He plays with the pen on his table as he waits for an answer. All he gets though, is another torrent of laughter.

“I’m sorry dear Charles, but you really are funny. You see, I’ve been taking your space every day for the last week due to a wager I lost against my TA, Angel. If I were to lose, I was going to purposely annoy you by taking up your parking space. I had also, in my drunken stupor, added on that I would not stop until you have taken action against me. I didn’t think it would take the form of an accidental phone call involving the usage of the words ‘hot German guy’ but this will fulfill the requirements of me to stop. Also, I didn’t think you would be so set upon a little parking slot, but nevertheless this was an enjoyable interaction. So enjoyable, that I am inclined to ask you to have coffee with me some time. Soon preferably.” The last part of Erik’s words paints more red upon Charles’s cheeks. 

Why must this man tempt him so? 

Charles debates his reply, going back and forth between yes and no. On one hand, he already knows this Erik is dashingly handsome, tall, dreamy, and already winning him over with his silly antics. On the other, he’s been purposely agitating Charles all week all due to a bet he lost, and the words sorry haven’t even slipped through his beautiful lips. He should just say no to spite him. After all, Charles already knows this Erik is a complete piece of shit. The valedictorian of the ‘pieces of shit’ university. He’s gonna say no.

He says no.

“Although your offer is… tempting to say the least, I will have to kindly decline. I would though, like to have my parking space back, if that is already with you, Erik.” Erik’s name barely makes it past Charles’s teeth. He continues. “I might have said yes to your offer under different circumstances, but I am tired, with a lot of work to grade, and in no mood to further put up with you. Thank you for understanding.”

Charles is about to hang up and get on with his work, hopefully without Mr. Nice Ass in his parking space tomorrow, when Erik responds. “I see. I hope you understand that you won’t get your space back with a ‘no’ as the answer. Have a nice evening, Mr.Xavier.”

Before Charles can retort, the call has already be hung, and a furious Charles is the result. He can’t even fathom why Erik would blackmail him into a date, with a parking spot to top it off! What is he getting at? What does he want? What kind of monster is this Erik, using a parking spot against it’s own owner? Further irritated, Charles chucks his phone at the sofa in his office, the phone gently bouncing off it and onto the floor. He gets up to pick it off the floor, when it suddenly vibrates. 

The screen reads:

“Please consider my offer, or else your space will be held captive. Best regards, Mr. Lehnsherr.”

What the fuck. Charles saves the number under ‘#1 ASSWIPE’.


	2. Charles, that's not how you converse

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Charles can't even handle a phone call, how's the face-to-face gonna go?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Charles has glasses. I love to indulge.

After giving Erik Lehnsherr’s phone number a proper title, Charles sighs and slowly (dramatically) looks over at the towering stack of work he has yet to grade, and considers responding to Erik’s text just for the sake of avoiding it. But then again, he’d rather get a fresh new set of paper cuts than talk to that fiend again. Three run-ins is more than enough for a day. Much more. Honestly, the perfect amount of visits would be a big fat zero.

He settles down in his desk space and just as he was going to begin, his phone vibrates. “Who could it be now?” A very annoyed Charles reaches for his phone and his face instantly brightens at the sight of the contact name on the screen. “Yes Raven?” He practically sings into the phone.

“You didn’t call at exactly 1pm in the afternoon like clockwork, so I got worried my precious big brother got abducted.” Raven jokingly says in response.

Charles looks over at the clock on his wall and sees it was only 6:17 pm. “Who are you, and where is the /real/ Raven?” He shoots right back, “My real sister would never notice I haven’t called until it was 10 at night and in need of help on her homework.” He chuckles to himself at the memory of one time, in the middle of the night, where Raven drunk called him and said ‘The mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell!’ before laughing and hanging up. He went back to sleep and dreamt of power plants shaped like mitochondria, churning out ATP like there was no tomorrow. The next day, he was befuddled by the call through all his classes, and ended up dialing up Raven for an explanation. Raven (being Raven) only said that Charles was a ‘bio teacher’ and ‘should know this shit by now’ in a strangely serious tone before hanging up. 

“Well, you’ve called me the last six days in a row to complain about the mystery hottie who keeps stealing your parking space. I was expecting more gossip about him!” Raven continues, “Besides, I’m thinking you guys should just angrily fuck in his car, and not let him bust until he promises to never park there again. Just solved your problem. You welcome.” 

“I’m not gonna let some stranger do that to me! Even if he’s really /really/ hot.” Charles quickly says back.

“C’mon, I can feel the sexual tension through the phone.”

“No, Raven, I refuse to let him catch me that easily.”

“What, that easily? Did he try out my proposition already?”

“No,” Charles sighs, “When I went to call you I accidentally tapped his number instead of yours, because he called me earlier today to mock me of all things. You were always first on the list of calls, so I went off on him thinking it was you!... And I called him the hot German guy in the process.”

“So that’s why you didn’t call.” Raven sounds amused by the entire situation. Charles is not.

“Anyways, after I called him /that/ nickname, he propositioned a coffee date with me, and when I said no, he said he’d keep my space hostage until my mind changed! What am I to do Raven, I can’t possibly go on a date with that knob!”

“Why not?” She responds.

“If I did, not only would it feel as if I’ve lost some sort of battle against him, I would also have to look at that damned smug face of his when I meet him at the cafe. Also, there would be no reason to believe that even if I did go on a date with him, he would return what is RIGHTFULLY MINE.” Charles can hear an unreasonable amount of anger in his voice, and doesn’t even know why. Sure the prick pissed him off, but it was a parking space for shit’s sake.

“Jesus Christ Charles. Get your shit together.” Is all Raven says before hanging up. What’s with people and hanging up today? Ah whatever.

Charles finally remembers the menacing stack of papers and picks up his red pen, ready to decimate the poor saps that signed up for his class thinking it was easy. The fact that Erik called did not help their cause.

+++

After hours of reading about the evolution of various animals (mostly dogs, points on the creativity kids), he’s only gotten about two thirds of the way through. Charles decides it was in the best interests of not only himself, but also his students’ grades that he just take the rest back home to work on. He takes a quick peek at the clock and sees it’s nine. Oh well. It’s not like half of the class will run up to him tomorrow asking about the grade they got on the essay. It’s the beginning of the school year and they don’t know to not do that to his soul. Everything will be ok.

Charles picks up the remaining work that needs to be graded and slides it into his satchel. He looks over his room once, making sure he’s gotten all of his materials. He picks up the keys on his desk and walks out of his office. He turns to lock his door and a part of head assures him everything’s alright. He locks the door after the keys slide right in. He waves goodnight to his neighboring professor, Ms. MacTaggart, and she waves back in acknowledgement. He walks out of the school, ready for a hot shower at home.

Everything is not ok.

He sees Mr. Lehnsherr. More specifically, he sees the jackass heading of his car, which is /still/ parking what should be his vehicle’s spot. And what’s even worse, the guy turns at the sound of the door behind Charles closing, and smiles. It’s not the kind, caring smile you see on most of the eighty year old professors that love their job. It’s the antagonistic, demonic, shark tooth grin of a man ready to kill. And it’s aimed right at Charles.

“How fateful for us to run into each other like this, Mr. Xavier. Is it because you’ve changed your mind on my offer?” It sounds like he’s purposely making it sound like he’s illegally soliciting Charles into prostitution, but Charles just skips over that part at the moment. What really matters now is the car in his parking space.

“I would really like to reconsider, but considering how much of an pain in my arse you’ve been, the only answer is I refuse. Furthermore, I don’t think it’s professional to blackmail a date out of your co-workers using a parking space. If you have any sense of humanity, you will stop this ridiculousness and allow me to park my damn car in peace.” Charles is resisting the urge to just walk on over and slug him in his handsome face, only because he knows it’s the lack of sleep getting to him. Damn the first weeks of school. Everything is chaotic and destructive and ruins Charles's delicate sleeping cycle.

“Well, as I understand it, I am being quite a pain, no?” Erik is still smiling, which is not a good sign. “Well, if you were to continue to argue your point against mine some other time, like a cafe for instance, I think you have sufficient abilities to convince me to stop taking up your parking space and leave you be. Of course, we will never know if that is true, since someone is quite stubborn. Even for someone as much as a pain as myself, I do not ignore logic. As it is right now I just cannot see it.” He ends with a shrug that just screams ‘I can totally see it.’

“Please, Mr. Lehnsherr, I have a load of work to grade, my eyes hurt and I would really just like to know something good will come tomorrow. Have mercy upon me.”

“Begging already? I think this is happening too fast.” Erik raises his hands in mock defense. “I would rather us have more time to get to know each other before these sorts to interactions take place. And in the parking not too!” His words are positively laced with sexual innuendo.

The grinding of Charles’s teeth can be heard across the parking lot, and Erik continues.

“Now love, no need for more anger. I see how irritated you are right now, and I’ll leave you be. Of course, I’d assume you are the type to wake up as the physical manifestation of happiness, so I’ll look forward to ruining you tomorrow.” The way Mr. Lehnsherr says ‘ruining’ should be illegal.

Charles can’t take this anymore. He walks right up in front of Erik, and crosses his arms, rage exuding out of him.

“What’s your problem?”

“Nothing, You’re just a very amusing person.”

“Really now.”

“Yes. There is no reason for me to lie to you. I’m quite offended you think I am a liar.”

“You’re a filthy piece of shit that deserves to rot in hell.” This is definitely about more than a parking space.

“My, what a mouth you have on you.” Erik’s smile is still going strong.

“Fuck you.” This is absolutely horrible.

“Actually, I’d rather fuck you.” How can a man smile so much? Creepy.

“I’m leaving.” Charles abruptly takes a sharp turn, his back now to Erik. His back though, cannot hide the red tips of his ears from Erik’s eyes. His long, deep breathes only further confirm the effect of Erik’s words. Charles doesn’t know it, but Erik isn’t smiling anymore. He’s too distracted by his rapid heartbeat to continue the verbal abuse. Charles marches away from Erik and to his own car, which is located at the other end of the parking lot, the whole time resisting the urge to turn around and stick his tongue out at the horribly charming man that somehow got a job at Oxford. ‘The beginning of the year is always hard Charles’ he mumbles to himself, ‘but it’s just a parking slot. You can be civilized, you’ve done it many times before.’

As Charles gets into his car, a warm, gray, four door that matches his glasses frames, he sees Erik drive past him and out into the road, the perpetual smirk on his face replaced by a softer, gentle smile reminiscent of his old science teacher, barely noticeable to a passerby. He starts up the car and wonders why he isn’t just another onlooker. Probably because the fuck has been bothering him all week, right?

+++

As soon as Charles is inside his apartment building, he kicks off his Oxfords (haha, his shoes match his workplace) and stumbles into his bedroom, almost knocking a stack of books over. Even though he double majored in Biology and Genetics in his College days, he could never let go of his love for books. He blindly tosses his satchel at the chair he knows is somewhere on the left side of the room, and practically rips off the clothes on him on the way to the bathroom. Due to his unique placement of furniture he pulls out his pajamas on the way there, and a fresh pair of underwear to boot. After a quick shower he towel dries his wavy hair and lets the air do the rest of the work. Speaking of work, he pulls out the leftover essays that need to be graded, and starts reading. He barely gets through two though, the sweet call of a good night’s rest lulling him into a deep sleep, covered in the papers of his students.


	3. Charles, that's mean

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Charles is a demon.

Charles’s phone buzzes to life at 8 AM on the dot, yanking out a groan from the depths of his chest as he blindly gropes around the table for it. The murderous look on his face matches the furious fingers tapping away at the screen, forgetting why he decided this was a good idea yesterday night. As he was driving home, he came up with an ingenious idea for the parking space conundrum. All he had to do was get there before Erik! Of course, he didn’t really know when Erik went to work, but no life-loving human being would hold early classes on a friday, right? And so, Charles set an alarm to wake two hours earlier than usual, already imagining Erik’s wide-eyed expressions, basically jumping in his shoes. 

Now though, his entire body is telling him to not give a fuck about the damn spot and roll back into that heavenly mattress. He ignores it and gets ready to wreck Erik’s plans. He rushes to use the bathroom and change into his ‘dad outfit’ as his students called it, which consisted of khakis that cut off at his ankles, a dress shirt and a sweater. It was chilly today, so he puts on a pea coat on top. Man, does he really look like a dad? Well, it doesn’t matter, he thinks as he ‘makes’ some himself some microwave oatmeal and coffee. As much as he likes tea, it’s not going to haul him out of half-asleep state today. As the coffee brews, he mixes his finished oatmeal with a pack of dried fruit used as a bookmark in one of the (many) books lying around. The oatmeal is gone before the coffee is done and Charles tosses the empty bowl inside the kitchen sink, which has everything but itself inside. Charles mentally reminds himself to do the dishes tonight, and forgets as he goes to get the coffee. He feels like he’s rushing too much this morning, but the image of Mr. Lehnsherr’s car in his spot again fuels him to go faster. 

He pours his coffee into the thermos Raven got him for his birthday (thank all the gods that she did too, what would he do without it?) and swipes the keys off of the living room table. On the way out, he remembers his satchel in his room and rushes back to retrieve it. Before leaving he double checks that he has everything, and after patting down his pockets for his keys he scrambles to his car, almost forgetting to lock the door behind him. He tosses the satchel on the passenger seat and puts the thermos in the cup holder before driving off.

+++

As Charles is driving into the staff parking lot, a horrible sight greets him. Mr. Lehnsherr is in the process of parking his car into Charles’s spot. Seeing this happen in front of Charles’s own two eyes is equivalent to witnessing a murder. No, even worse. It’s like Charles is getting murdered, ran over by a car. Mr. Lehnsherr’s car. He sees it now. The parking space represents Charles’s humanity. Now that it’s being taken by the spawn of the Devil, his humanity is lost. Without humanity, there will be no formalities. It is war. And Charles will not lose.

Thankfully, there’s an empty spot only a few spaces away from Erik’s car, so Charles hastily parks his car there. He grabs his bag and the thermos, opens the car door with his free hand, gets out, and slams the door shut behind him. Erik looks over at him with his trademark smirk while he’s stomping over to Erik’s car, ready to kill. They come face to face, and Charles’s stares at Erik as intensely as the sun in the sky. He realizes he’s still holding his shit, fumbles his bag over his shoulder, and shoves the thermos inside as Erik tries not to laugh. After he’s done Charles tilts his head up and goes back to staring, trying to look as evil as Erik does and completely failing. He looks like a pouting child. It’s very cute. Erik is trying very hard not to laugh. He’s not trying hard enough, Charles can tell he’s laughing. After about what seems like an hour of silence, Charles breaks and ‘coughs’ into his hand. Erik’s grin grows wider.

“Why are you here so early, Mr. Xavier?” Erik opens the conversation.

“That is none of your concern, Mr. Lehnsherr. Why did you take my parking space again? If my memory serves me well, your payment to your TA is complete once I confront you, and that is what I did yesterday.” Charles retorts.

“Ah yes, but aggravating you is so much fun Mr. Xavier, how could I stop now?” A cool response.

“Not if you’re dead.” The anger is rising.

“Is that a threat? That’s illegal.” How Charles would like to wipe that smirk off his face.

“YES, AND SO IS TAKING MY PARKING SPACE.” He doesn’t even know why he’s shouting. It’s just Erik’s presence unconsciously makes him furious. How bothersome.

“C’mon now, are you going to go snitch to the police that someone is taking your parking space? They’ll laugh at your face.” Erik is already laughing at him though, basically.

Charles takes a deep breath. “Please Mr. Lehnsherr, I would like my /damn/ slab of concrete back. It can’t be that hard for you to get back in your fucking car and move it, right?” Another breath.

“But where’s the fun in that?” How does he seem not bothered at all?

“There ISN’T supposed to be any fun in this situation.” Charles quips. “Are you a sadist?”

“I have been called that on more than one occasion, yes. But I like to think I have a different connotation of ‘fun’.” Does this man ever not smile like a shark?

“Why are you so /FRUSTRATING/?” Charles is about to have a break down in the middle of a parking lot. There’s a first for everything.

“It’s in my nature.” More smiling. “Though, Angel says I’m plenty more mischievous when it comes to you. Also says I’m a hardass, if that helps.”

“So you’re telling me I have a worse version of you than others. Just great. This is grand. Fuck me.”

“I would gladly.”

“STOP WITH THE SEXUAL INNUENDO. JUST GIVE ME MY CAR SPACE. PARKING SPACE. WHATEVER YOU CALL IT.” Charles explodes, shocking Erik for a split-second, before he regains his grin.

“Don’t be like this dear professor. Say, should I refer to you as professor Xavier or Mr. Xavier? I’ve went with the latter so far, and now I’m not sure.” Erik pretends to muse about this while watching for Charles’s reaction.

“I can’t handle you anymore. I’ve had enough of you for the day.” Before Erik can say something about never having enough of him, Charles continues, “And before your mouth opens again, I am going to leave before I punch a hole through your car window. Yes, I’m aware I should be more composed. No, I don’t care. I hate mornings and fights and losing my temper and /you/. Bye Mr. Lehnsherr.”

Charles begins his dramatic walk to the door, but Erik follows.

“What is it?”

“I work there too.”

Charles is just about to call Erik a whole load of inappropriate words, but deflates half-way through and just walks in silence. He doesn’t even bother to look over at Erik, who looks pretty damn smug.

+++

Charles and Erik walk in silence to their offices, neither of them bothering to try another conversation. Each step echos through the spacious hall, making their presence apparent to each other. As they’re walking, Charles notices the plaque indicating that the room is Erik’s. Erik’s office is actually closer than he thought, only three doors over from Moira’s. Huh. Charles regrets being on the left side of the hall, having to cross past Erik to get to his office, giving Erik one last glare before going inside. Once inside, he slams his back against the door and slides down to the ground. He presses his forehead against his knees and wonders why that man makes him so emotional. Normally, Charles would be the civil one, the regulator in fights and never the type to start one, but he just get so… mad at Erik. All the curse words cascade out of his mouth without a second thought, stopping himself a bit too late every time. If Raven saw this there would be no end to anger management jokes. It’d be on his gravestone, ‘Died due to a short fuse. May you rest in peace, Charles Xavier’. 

Temper aside, he realizes he’s woken up early for nothing. Nothing’s been accomplished, besides having a childish outburst in front of Erik. Great. What a nice start to the day. He pushes himself up off the floor and drags his feet over to his table, ready to give himself a sprained wrist. As he hauls out the remaining work he’s surprised the thermos didn’t start leaking, considering how horrendous the morning has gone. He chugs down half of the coffee and gets to work.

+++

An hour later Charles is done torturing his eyes, and decides to take a little nap on the couch.

+++

Another hour goes by before Hank unlocks the door, and is greeted by a sleeping Charles drooling all over the floor. Hank ends up having to literally slap Charles awake.

+++

“PROFESSOR CHARLES. ARE YOU OK?”

Charles opens his eyes, vision blurry. “What?” He slurs out.

“Oh thank god.” Hank lets out a sigh of relief as Charles blinks away the dancing specks of white and pushes himself up by his forearms. “I thought you were not well and passed out.”

“Why does my right cheek hurt Hank?”

“Oh.” Hank looks guiltier than a killer in a crime show. “I might’ve slapped you once… or three times. But I didn’t mean to do any harm!” He add at the end.

“Help me up Hank.”

Hank takes a step back and holds out his hand, which Charles gratefully takes. Once Charles is standing again, he lets out a big fat yawn, and wonders why he was on the floor.

“I must’ve rolled off the couch in my sleep.”

“Oh.” Hank looks like he wants to ask why Charles was sleeping on the couch in the first place, but the sour face Charles already has on warns him not no. “Should I get you some coffee prof?”

“No, it’s alright Hank, thank you.” Charles notices Hank’s uneasiness and continues, “I had some work to grade but I wanted to sleep early yesterday, so I decided to come in earlier. I finished reading them faster than I thought so I went to take a nap. Don’t know why I fell off the couch though.” It’s stupid, but he suspects Erik had something to do with it, even though there’s no evidence.

“That’s good. N-not the falling part but the work being done early. Do you have anything you want me to do?” Hank is still uneasy, not used to having Charles show up before him. It threw off his internal schedule. He shifts his weight from one foot to the other, anxiously waiting for an answer.

“No, just do… whatever you do before I get here.” Charles also looks lost, turning to look at the clock. 10:38 AM. Twenty more minutes before his class begins. Great. He normally doesn’t even get here until it’s /almost/ too late, finding some way to blow time at home every morning. He decides to take a visit to Moira’s office, knowing she always gets here at 10 every day. He mulls around in his own office a few more minutes, watching Hank organize his (already messy) table before leaving. 

He leaves for Moira’s office, and before he even takes three steps out of his office, he runs into Erik. God damn it. Charles is about to let out some selective words but Erik just mumbles “hello” before striding past him in a rush. Huh. How peculiar. Charles doesn’t even have enough time to react before he’s gone. Erik’s class is already over, indicated by some straggling kids with chemistry textbooks in their hands. He changes his mind, going to take a peek inside Erik’s office, and sees a girl (presumably his TA, Angel) chewing gum and using her phone on the couch. Erik is putting down a stack of papers on his incredibly clean desk and is in the middle of drinking his third cup of coffee. His trash can is full of crumpled pieces of paper and on top, the two previous cups.

Before Erik can notice his head sticking out he retreats back to his own office to ready his materials for his upcoming class. Hank is already carrying all of his notes though, so he picks up his wand (literally, it’s a Harry Potter wand from Universal Orlando that he started using as a joke) and walks to his lecture hall with Hank by his side.

+++

Erik noticed. It was /really/ cute.

+++

Charles is in the middle of soothing most of his students to sleep with theories on evolution when Erik slips into his class, eerily standing in the back. When Charles finally notices him he fumbles his wand and makes a shameful noise he’d rather not acknowledge. The students still awake giggle at the sight, before realizing they should all look at the door in unison to find out what made the fumble. Erik raises his hand and waves once before letting it fall back to his side. Suddenly, Charles’s face morphs from the sunny side up his students are used to to the hard boiled anger Erik expected. Charles looks like he’s about to break his wand in half when he remembers there are children here, and huffs before going back to the board. His voice is obviously strained as he pushes himself to continues the lecture and half of the students goes from giggling to worrying. Charles is always as happy as the sun shines, even when reviewing materials from last year, so watching the sunshine boil over was a new experience. 

Erik though, was more taken aback by the dazzling smile Charles had on before he noticed him by the door. He felt disheartened for making it go away. Maybe he was pushing it with the car space, as silly as it is… nah. Charles is a big boy, right? He can deal.

Charles definitely does /not/ want to deal. But he does, for the children. Under Erik’s watchful eye he ends up with a total of six stutters, three wand fumbles, two sighs of either defeat or anger (nobody can tell, since they have no reference), and an amazing mistake between RNA and DNA. Charles sounds as foolish as half of the dog essays.

When the torture is finally over, more than half of the students still awake give Charles a look of either worry, confusion or a mix before leaving, and the rest just walk out like they’re competing for first in the Olympics. The ones asleep get woken up by the abrupt movement and end up stumbling out like Charles words were vodka to their ears. Hank mumbles some sorry excuse to go back to the office, avoiding the look Charles is giving him. Not like _the look _can be avoided that easily.__

__And finally, there were two. Wait no, three. Charles notices the couch girl eagerly looking over Erik’s shoulder, like someone who arrived late to see a parade._ _

__“What.” Charles is the first to speak, more due to the idea of getting this over with than the noticeably mute room._ _

__“I just came by to say hello, but now I see I’m not welcome.” Erik’s words echo sadness, but his smile echo that he doesn’t give a damn. Rude._ _

__“You’re not. At least until you give me back what’s rightfully mine.”_ _

__“What is this, Game of Thrones?” Erik tosses back. “And if you say it is, that must mean I’d have to fuck you twice before you shank me.”_ _

__“You’re horrible. Absolutely positively horrible.”_ _

__“I know.”_ _

__Charles just shakes his head. Erik is still standing there, hands poised behind his back, prim and proper, like a rose. Real kind on the eyes, but a real prick you get to know it. Charles begins his trek up to the top of the hall, and with every step he takes Erik’s grin grows just a bit wider. Finally, they’re face to face once again, Charles angry and Erik smiling._ _

__“Why do you wish to bother me so?”_ _

__“I don’t know, my sweet Romeo.” Erik pauses. “But I personally think you fit better as a Juliet.”_ _

__“Just shove off.” Why is Charles even talking to him? “Please.”_ _

__“Your wish is my command.” Erik gives him a theatrical bow and pivots what seems to be /exactly ninety degrees/. And like a toy solider, he marches away, the TA squeaking at his feet. As Charles turns to return to his own office, he hears the girl speak._ _

__“I’ve never seen you smile so much, professor.”  
And Erik replies “You’ve never seen me tease a man so much either.” His voice sounds different. He’s hearing things. Well, things that aren’t actually there. Of course his ears work. Guh, he’s a mess._ _

__Charles awkwardly stumbles in the general direction of his office, his mind muddled. Hank swings the door open as Charles reaches for the door knob, nearing demolishing Charles’s left eye. Damn these stupid outward swinging slabs of oak._ _

__“Oh! I’m so sorry professor!” Hank looks like he’s going to be publicly executed on the roof._ _

__“It’s fine Hank, you missed.” Charles musters up, his mind still lost._ _

__“That’s good.” Hank awkwardly steps out of Charles’s way as he shoves himself inside the office, dropping down onto the couch. He can barely contain the internal screaming aimed at Erik’s existence._ _

__Charles ends up mulling around the office for another ten minutes before an idea comes to mind. No, not just an idea, it’s the idea. Charles practically leaps into the ceiling once it came to him, scaring the shit out of Hank._ _

__“Professor, are you sure you’re ok?” Hank has a phone in his hand, ready to dial for the school medic._ _

__“Yes yes Hank I’m alright. In fact, I’m great!” Charles is grinning as wide as Erik. “You remember Professor Lehnsherr right? From at first? Well, I have a wonderful idea on how to prank him.” Charles looks like a high school jock ready to tee pee the principal’s office._ _

__“What is it?”_ _

__“You know what silly string is?”_ _

__“Professor Xavier no. That’s horrible. Inhumane. Please reconsider.”_ _

__“But Hank, It’s perfect! C’mon, you have to help.” Hank gulps. Charles’s eyes darken. “Or else I won’t write you that recommendation letter you’ve been begging for.”_ _

__Hank looks like his dog just died. And his cat. And snake._ _

__“... Alright Charles, what do you want me to do?” He must be really defeated if he’s dropping the ‘professor’._ _

__“All you have to do is get me Erik’s teaching schedule. I’ll buy the stuff.” Hank feels like he’s helping Charles snag some cocaine._ _

__“... Ok.” Hank stalks out into the hallway and off to the main office, which has all the class schedules. Charles races to the nearest store._ _

__+++_ _

__As soon as Hank informs Charles that Erik has a class at this very moment, he gets dragged out into the parking lot._ _

__“Hank. I trust you. Just watch my back.”_ _

__“O-ok.” It’s not like Hank is going to say no to his beloved professor. That would be real insanity._ _

__And so, Hank is becomes the gatekeeper of the parking lot, and Charles the mischievous devil. He wishes Alex was here to be Charles’s little henchmen, for the sake of hurrying this up. Charles pops open the first of _three _cans and test sprays a bit. It comes out a neon orange, and Charles has never looked so dangerous. He manages to spray out an entire bottle of the stuff in under ten minutes, and uses both his hands for the other two. In about thirty minutes, Charles converts Erik’s trusty red four door into a glorious neon eyesore. Hank checks his watch and turns to ash.___ _

____“Charles. Erik’s class is over in two minutes.”_ _ _ _

____Charles snaps out of his childish fervor and whips his head to face Hank._ _ _ _

____“What?”_ _ _ _

____“He has fifty minute classes.”_ _ _ _

____“Run.”_ _ _ _

____For the second time today, Charles grips Hank’s arm and speeds off. As they rush into the office, in the corner of Charles’s eye, he sees Erik’s office door opening. The door is safely slammed shut behind them before they can even make out Erik’s face. Never has Charles’s mood change so fast in a day. He can’t wait to find out Erik’s reaction._ _ _ _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> disclaimer: i've never watched game of thrones
> 
> also, what's the European equivalent to Target?


	4. Erik, that's not how you be mean

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Who's the demon, Erik or Charles?

“Oh. My. GOD.” Angel screeches at the sight of Erik’s car.

 

“That pint-sized bitch.” Erik’s face is frozen in shock. He knew he was pushing it, but he didn’t think Charles would _retaliate_. This is inhumane. His car is fucking wrecked. Completely annihilated. It would’ve been better if Charles just drove the damn thing off a cliff. How the fuck is he going to clean this? Oh, he knows how. He’s going drag Charles’s cute lil’ ass out here and force him to wash his damn car.

 

“Still alive Lehnsherr?” Angel jeers. It’s ok though, because she’ll be dead by the end of the day.

 

“Yes. But Charles won’t be.” He deadpans. Angel gulps. Erik is fuming. If he leaned on a tree, it would probably catch on fire.

 

Before Angel can say anything, Erik turns around and storms back inside the university. God he doesn’t even know where to begin. Sure, he was being kinda (really) an ass about the parking space but there doesn’t come with cleaning costs, and damage control and murder. And if Charles really wanted his damn spot back he could’ve just towed Erik’s car. Sure that would also tick him off, but that fate doesn’t include five metric tons of silly string on his vehicle. When he reaches Charles’s office, he takes a deep breath in and out before slamming the door open and almost off its hinges.

 

“What the fuck Charles.” Erik doesn’t even know if he’s still in here, but he announces his presence anyways.

 

When he actually uses his eyes, he sees a Hank cowering in fear and a Charles nearly spilling over with laughter on the couch.  One look at Erik’s face unleashes a torrent of giggles that causes Charles to fall over and onto the floor. He tries to push himself up, but every time he catches one of Erik’s deep breaths he just relapses into a fit lying down. Erik is about to cave Charles’s face in with his foot. The only problem with that is he’ll get arrested with defacing art. He tries to block Charles’s laughter out for the sake of his own sanity.

 

“Hank. Get out.”

 

Hank’s about to protest when Erik’s eyes flick over to him. Then Erik does the disturbing shark smile and Hank is literally tripping over Charles to get out of the room.

 

“Please no murder on the campus.” Is all he says before running to freedom.

 

Erik continues to ignore the now wheezing Charles and gently (or as gently as his enraged state lets him be) shuts the door. He turns loom over the curled up ball that is Charles and patiently waits for the laugh attack to be over. When Charles finally stops convulsing he uncurls himself and looks up at Erik with a smile that can only belong to a purebred jackass.

 

“Oh sweetheart, what’s wrong? Where did all that charm of yours disappear to?” Charles squeaks out. Erik is tempted to stomp on his chest until he stops breathing. He’s also tempted to hate fuck him against the wall until all of Charles’s arrogance dissipates to begs and moans.

 

“Charles. Honey.” He grits out, “You’re going to help me get all that shit off my car, and you’re gonna do it right now. Ok?”

 

“Oh my poor baby, all angry because of a little wittle prank! What’s he going to do?” Charles gives him an exaggerated pout and rubs his fists against the corners of his eyes. God, Erik’s going to burn the whole damn school down. Going to rip out all of it’s metal insides and impale Charles with them. Going to tear Charles’s legs right off  of him. When Erik doesn’t speak, Charles continues.

 

“How will my sweet Romeo survive this act of revenge he submit himself to? With a civilized consultation? Or with unbridled anger? Surely the latter!” Charles has turned to his side and currently drooling with restrained laughter. Literally. On his floor. It would be disgusting if it didn’t give Erik’s eyes full view of Charles’s neck. Oh how he wants to dig into that beautifully sculpted throat. God he sounds like a vampire.

 

Since Charles refuses to get off the floor, Erik bends down, picks him up by the front of his dress shirt, and tosses him onto the couch like a sack of potatoes. The impact of the throw cuts off Charles’s chorus of laughter and forces  him to let out a sound not unlike a whimper. Erik’s probably imagining things. The guy can’t be this unintentionally sexy right? Erik needs to go angrily jack off in his house. Fuck Charles. As in he wants to _fuck Charles._ His urges are as bad as a middle schooler who just discovered porn. How a man can fall so low.

 

A beat of silence passes and Charles speaks. “Hey, you started this. I’ve approached you multiple times to remove your car, yet you refused. Did you really think I’d just let you push me around? Yes, it was really childish for me to silly string your car,” Charles grins, “but that’s what you get for being a complete arse.” He ends with an umph.

 

Erik knows it’s true. And yet, he’s still mad. He doesn’t even know why. Charles just wrecks his inner balance. Why did he even let Angel force this upon him? He didn’t actually think she’d make him confront his childish crush on Charles in the most bizarre manner humanly possible. And yet, here he is, pissed off at the beacon of light in this god-forsaken university because he shamelessly flirted with him using a car space as a conversation starter. It’s like he just let twenty thousand twelve year olds from the internet run his life for the last week.

 

“You’re right.”

 

Charles is surprised, and it shows in his face. “Really now?”

 

“Yes. Please help me clean my car.” Erik can’t believe these words are coming out of his mouth. He normally never backs down. If he was his normal self, he’d find some way to convince Charles that he’s wrong five times over and he should apologize for ruining Erik’s life. Charles is too smart for that though. Another one of his charms.

 

“Well… maybe if you…” Charles makes an extravagant show of thinking, “One, give me back my parking space. Two, apologize to me. Three, become my TA for the rest of the month. Alex is on vacation with his little brother, and Hank can’t handle everything after this week. Four, I want tea. I’m running out and I’m mad at you enough to make you a gopher.”

 

“That’s preposterous!” Erik’s appalled. He expected the first two, fine, but he has his own class to worry about! And it’s not like he has two TAs either. “Those last two demands are unreasonable. I also have a class to tend to, you know.”

 

“Well, if you really were that busy why are you having this conversation with me? Wouldn’t it be more _time efficient_ for you to just go to a car wash or something? Or just command your TA to do it for you?” Fuck he sounds reasonable.

 

“It would be unfair to Angel to have her clean up _your_ mess.”

 

“It was unfair for you to hijack my parking space for the last week at her command, yet you did it anyways. I. Don’t. Care.” Charles spits out.

 

“You’re intolerable.”

 

“Just like _you._ This conversation is over. Out.” Charles flicks his finger over to the door. “Now.”

 

Erik clenches his fists hard enough his knuckles turn white. Why the fuck does Charles have to be so STUBBORN? That’s _his_ job. _He’s_ supposed to be the stubborn one. Erik tears out of the room, slamming the door shut as he leaves. Before it fully closes, he hears Charles let out a little high-pitched ‘hmph’.

 

+++

 

“Dude, are you ok?” Erik is brooding. That’s never a good thing. The last time he was like this, he found some way to con the entire language department out of half of their coffee machines.

 

“No. I’m not ok.” Erik solemnly states.

 

“Wanna talk about it?” His TA is becoming his therapist. Great.

 

“Yes. I do.” Erik grumbles. “Where do I even start?”

 

“At the beginning?” Angel’s voice creeps up near the end.

 

“Yes yes. You’re right. Ok. First off. He’s stubborn. I’m the stubborn one. He shouldn’t be refusing to help me when he’s the nicest guy to ever exist. So basically he’s a giant piece of shit to me. Ginormous. Almost worse than me. Almost. He makes me _so angry_ . That’s ok though. The problem with it though, is that he’s so _fucking cute_ when he’s on his high horse. He smirks and laughs and refuses to change his mind and it’s so _endearing_ .” The last words are venom to his lips. Erik runs his hands through his hair to calm himself. This is the most frustrated he’s ever been. Ever. “You know what I end up wanting to do to him? I just want to push him against a wall and—” He cuts himself off, remembering that he’s talking to his _TA._ “You know what I mean.”

 

“So you’re telling me you’re a sexually frustrated college professor hopelessly in love with a piece of sunshine that’s nice to literally anyone but you. And you don’t know what to do about it.”

 

“Yes.”

 

“How’d he refuse to clean your car?” Angel throws out.

 

“He said he’ll only help if I become his lapdog for a month.” If Erik wasn’t so scary Angel would think he’s pouting.

 

“Isn’t that what you want? You’ll spend time with him, he’ll boss you around, you can bully him whenever he does something cute, and you can scare off other candidates for his eternal love. You’ll also find out more stuff about him and kiss his ass. Maybe literally if you do well enough.”

 

Erik slaps his face with both his hands. Angel is right. But he was too stubborn to see!

 

“I think you know what to do now.”

 

“Guide me, Cupid.” This face is too serious to match his words.

 

“Just go back to his office, get on your hands and knees, kiss his feet and say you’ll do it.” She shrugs. “Duh.”

 

“I’ll be back.”

 

+++

 

“Charles.”

 

“What is it now, Mr. Lehnsherr?” Charles is setting up his lesson plan for tomorrow on the couch. Perfect.

 

“I came back to say I’m sorry. And I’ll do it.” Erik gulps. He can’t believe he’s doing this.

 

“Do what?” Charles sings. His smile would be nasty on a face less beautiful.

 

“I’ll… be your lapdog for a month.” Erik is avoiding eye contact, but he can feel the waves of victory Charles is exuding.

 

“Perfect!” Charles stands up and claps. “Come here doggie.”

 

“What.” Erik is appalled.

 

“Well, you said you’d be my lapdog.” Charles hums. “So come here.” He claps again for effect.

 

“I regret this already.” Erik tenderly walks over to Charles’s spot on the couch and looks down at him. “What about my car?”

 

“Oh, I’ll get Hank to do it. A wonder that boy is.” Charles elegantly picks up his phone and shoots a text to Hank. “Just give him your keys and he’ll drive it off to a car wash. Now sit, you look ridiculous looming over me.”

 

Erik takes the seat next to Charles. He doesn’t know what to do, so he scans Charles’s bookshelf. There’s a healthy mix of fiction along with biology and other sciences. Cute. His eyes end up locked onto Charles’s ethereal blue eyes. Before he can look away, Charles’s eyes snap upwards to meet Erik’s gaze. A smile blooms on his face. Erik’s heart rate doubles. Erik swallows his damn drool and looks away before he’s blinded. Charles hums in satisfaction and goes back to his planning. Erik can feel himself wrapping around Charles’s pinky finger. He's getting played like a fiddle. And he's letting it happen. 

 

+++

 

Hank picks up the keys from Erik’s office and looks like a fool driving a car coated in silly string.

 

+++

  
Angel takes a peek inside Charles’s office and sees a very worried Erik sitting next to a Charles who has taken the liberty to use Erik’s lap as a footrest. She snaps a quick picture.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I think it's time for the 12 year old tag to get added, don't you? :^)


	5. Charles, you bully!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Erik sleeps and Charles bullies.

Erik fell asleep. Holy shit.

Charles was bathing in the glory of victory, resting his feet upon his prize’s lap, planning a nice not-boring lesson for tomorrow's class, when he noticed quiet snores. At first he thought he was just imagining it, but looking up from his work he sees a resting Erik, body completely lax, neck comfortably bent against the couch, mesmerizing lips parted. No, he did not just say Erik’s lips are mesmerizing. Dumb head. He needs a head that’s not this dumb. Thank god he has a sister. He checks the time (it’s 2 PM!) before sending Raven a quick text.

2:13 PM: Are you awake? Call?

He anxiously cradles the phone between his palms for a whole minute before relaxing and positioning it upon his lap. Raven will respond when she has time. Which he hopes is soon, specifically before Erik wakes. He goes back to the work at hand (or on chest, in his couch position’d case) and lets the text escape his mind. He gets about thirty minutes worth of work done before his phone vibrates.

2:46 PM: Its like 9 what is it

And then another.

2:47 PM: Sure 1 moment lemme call

Raven calls a few moments later, opening with “This better be an SOS because I just woke up.” She follows up with a deafening yawn, backing up her claim.

“Ok so I silly string’d Erik’s car as revenge for taking my car space and told him the only way he’d get my help to clean his car is if he becomes my TA in Alex’s stead until he’s back at the end of the month.” Charles takes a deep breath before continuing, “Ok not exactly the words ‘TA’ but more of a ‘lapdog’ kinda way. And initially he stormed out like I expected from such a ridiculous request, but then he came back n said he’d do it. So I got a shot of adrenaline from the victory that I told him to sit on the couch and become my leg rest. That’s so unlike me. Anyways, now he fell asleep and he looks really really kissable and he’s snoring and it’s absolutely, positively, adorably, distracting. What do I do Raven?” he finishes the talking marathon with a childish whine. He glances over at Erik and Charles’s paragraph hasn’t woken him up. A deep sleeper. Good.

“First thing, this hot German is named Eric?”

“With a K. Please never spell his name with a C.” Charles doesn’t notice his mirroring of Erik’s phrase until it’s too late. He’s thankful Raven can’t see his red-tinted cheeks.

“Looks like you guys are getting along just fine if that’s the first thing you say.” Raven’s smirk echos through the phone, “Are you gonna get laid yet? No wait, you’re not a fuck-on-the-first-date kinda guy. I think you should make an exception for him though. Wait! Send me a pic. Don’t even bother trying to get out of it.”

“Fiiine Raven.” Charles hisses. He hastily swaps over to the camera and takes a flattering image of Erik for his sister. He spends way too long staring at it before he sends it over.  
When Raven receives it she instantly says, “Why aren’t you banging that already?” she continues, “He looks like a Greek god. No, he looks like all of the hot Greek gods combined into one super-hot Greek god. On steroids. He kinda gives off evil vibes though, like he’d use a football field to kill the president. Where did I even come up with that? Ugh, whatever. You know what I mean Charles.”

“I’m not going to let him fuck me just because he’s got the face of a supermodel Raven! And besides, he’s a total jerk! I don’t even know why he’s bullying me like this!” Charles is still hissing.

“Charles you’re one of the best professors at Oxford and you still can’t fucking figure it out?” Raven shakes her head, hair scratching against the mic. “It’s because he likes you and doesn’t know how to ask you out Charles. C’mon! The guy suddenly bothers you out of the blue and won’t leave you alone? AND he tries to ask you out on a coffee date? AND after you say no he agrees to become your little helper? It’s ain’t that hard to put two and two together from there.”

“Oh.” His throat won’t work.

“Jesus christ Charles, you can’t possibly be that dense. Just give him a chance. He’s just like one of those lost puppies on the street. You’ll have him trained in no time.” That last part does not sound like very sisterly advice. Then again, it’s Raven.

“Ok fine, i’ll stop butting against his every word. But should I wake him up? Do I just leave him be? I can’t just leave without him either. Hank has his car, and has work, so it’s not going to be back ‘till tomorrow.” The worry is seeping out of him.

“Dude, you have lessons to plan, right? It’s like two in the afternoon for you. Order some lunch, (yea I know you haven't eaten yet you little prick i’m your sister) and plan some days out. Grade some work. He can’t sleep that long, right? And even if he does, you have my Netflix account. Watch Criminal Minds or something until he’s up and running. They released a new season!” Raven does love Criminal Minds.

“Ok, you’re right, you’re right. Thanks sis.” What would he do without her and her Netflix account?

“Of course I am. I always am. I have real stuff to do today, as in school related shit, so I won’t pick up at one, sorry bro. I think it’ll be fine though, you have something to keep you busy.” She’s not talking about schoolwork. Probably. “Bye, love you!”

“Love you too, Raven.” Charles immediately says back. Raven hangs up before he can move his phone away from his ear, as usual. 

“Who’s Raven? Girlfriend? Don’t tell me you’re married.” Erik nonchalantly asks.

“Gah!” Charles actually leaps up off the couch. “You were awake?” His face is on fire.

“Only near the end. So who is she? Girlfriend? Wife? Mother-in-law?” Erik jokes, sounding more serious than intended. Maybe Raven’s right. He could be jealous. Charles hates how that thought brings him joy.

“Raven’s my sister. Didn’t you know that already, from our last call?” 

“Not necessarily. Even if you did say I was ‘the hot German guy’,” Erik smirks at the memory, “it could’ve been some weird relationship thing, talking about guys. You never know.” He shrugs, looking way too comfortable on Charles’s couch. Like an octopus. At least he’s not setting it on fire, as Charles expected earlier.

“I’m single, if that’s what you’re asking under all that… weirdness.” Charles looks at Erik’s nose instead of his eyes, hoping the implication goes through. If Raven’s wrong about this, she’s never setting foot on European soil again. Ever.

“Nice to know.” Erik casually responds. Too casually. Raven was totally right. “Anyways, how much work do you still have to do?” He eyes the blanket of papers resting on Charles’s body.

“Not much. Don’t you have work to tend to?” 

“The only work I do on the first two weeks is terrorize my students enough that they understand I’m a tyrant. Makes the rest of the year smooth sailing.” Of course. No surprise there.

Something pops into Charles’s mind. “What about that stack of papers you put on your-” Oh no. This is bad. Erik’s already grinning like a shark ready to feast.

“Oh, Mr. Xavier, did you slip into my room earlier today? I didn’t think you were that interested in me. You should’ve shown yourself, you were welcome.” All the saliva from Charles’s throat evaporates. God he’s messed up. Erik totally knew he was sneaking a peek. Gosh fucking darn it. It feels like he just made a poor move in chess. And he just got the upper hand!

“You were odd earlier, I just wanted to check up on you.” Charles mumbles out in defense.

“Oh, worried about me too? What’s gotten into you Mr. Xavier?” Erik prods. He looks way too excited about this whole situation.

“Naturally.” Charles gulps. “If you were to have an aneurysm and die, who’s going to return my parking space? I’m sure you’d have the space turned into a gravestone just to spite me in death.”

“You know me so well.” Erik’s direct piercing stare renders Charles unable to speak. Erik notices and redirects it to the table behind him. “How can you find anything in that hell hole?” He sticks out his tongue in disgust. Cute. That’s bad though.

“It might look like a mess to you, but I know where everything is, and that’s all that matters.” Charles’s inner haughtiness seeps through his voice. “Name something, and I’ll tell you where it is right now. Go on.” 

“Alright.” Erik looks skeptical, but goes to examine the desk anyways.

“Your pen.” Erik starts off easy.

“It’s next to the stack of papers on the left side of the table, under a napkin.” Charles easily spouts. Erik looks under the dirty napkin and there it is.

“Your thermos.”

“Top right corner in front of the desk lamp.” Erik looks over and Charles is right again.

“Your tea.”

“Second drawer on the right side.” Charles is on a roll.

“Ok. Your mints?”

“Jammed between the stack of papers and the pen under the napkin.”

“Your calendar.”

“The thing on the middle of the table. I never use it though, the one in my journal is much more convenient. Speaking of my journal, that would be next to the thermos, near the front of the table. There’s a second one on top of my black journal, it’s blue.”

“Your white out.”

“Hmm…” Charles takes a moment to think. “Should be hidden under the crumpled pieces of paper on the right side, in front of the Thermos. It’s shaped like a duck.”

“Fine. How many crumples pages are there?” Erik’s running of out of stuff to name, and Charles knows it.

“Nine. Four are Hank’s, two are old receipts and the rest are assignments I ended up not using.” Charles hears the papers being smoothed out one by one. If the re-crumpling of paper could sound annoyed, that’s the sound Erik’s making. Like trying to stamp out a fire too fast and having your show catch of fire too.

“What about your glasses?” Erik grumbles.

Charles takes about a whole minute, enough time for Erik to snicker to himself, to remember they’re on his face.

“My face.” Charles lifts both his hands up and touches them to be sure. He forgets sometimes.

“Fine. You’re right. You know every inch of of this table that went through Hell.” He hears a hint defeat in Erik’s voice and his day brightens. 

Erik trudges back over to the couch and crashes down on it. “How do you do it?”

“Organized chaos.” Charles responds, a smile tugging at his lips.

“Fair enough.” Erik surrenders. “Now what?”

“I haven’t had lunch yet.” Charles rummages through his pocket and pulls out his keys. “And I don’t think you have either.”

“Are you asking me out on a date Mr. Xavier? It seems inappropriate to date your temporary TA.” Erik teases.

“Of course not, Mr. Lehnsherr.” Charles’s smile mimics Erik’s. “You’re going to drive me to my favorite cafe, where I will order my lunch to go. Then I’ll get back in the car, and you’ll drive me back to the University. If you be a good boy long enough, I’ll consider buying you lunch too. C’mon now, let us depart.” Charles gets up, dumps his work onto the coffee table, and skips to the door. He waits for Erik to follow, dangling the keys like they were carrots for a horse.

“And they say I’m the demon.” Despite this, Erik goes after Charles and snatches the keys out of his hand, hiding his smile by pushing Charles to the parking lot.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> eyyy 1k hits!! :^) thx me buddies


	6. Erik, official sandwich boy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Erik and Charles goes to Emma's sandwich store turned cafe. Emma teases, Sean gives advice and Erik swoons.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> finally updating after half a month ; A ; /tears of joy/  
> if there are any obvious typos, please feel free to point them out to me! :^)

Erik is in Charles’s car, driving to Charles’s favorite lunch spot, and becoming Charles’s TA. What has he gotten himself into? Oh, he knows what he’s gotten into, that’s a rhetorical question, but really,  _ what has he gotten himself into?  _ As he swerves into the cafe parking lot he contemplates all of his life choices leading up to this point. Letting Angel become his TA. First meeting Charles while working late in his office mid coffee hunt. Slowly noticing Charles’s glowing presence every day. Making a drunken bet with Angel he ends up losing. Thinking it was a good idea to actually do what Drunk Erik suggested. 

 

Well, at least he view is beautiful. Erik sneaks another glance over at the beautiful being currently occupying the passenger seat and blames himself for falling so easily. He haphazardly dumps the car in the first open parking space he sees and shuts off the engine. Charles lets out a soft yawn and stretches his arms to the sky. Erik distracts himself by fumbling out of the car and rushing over to open the side door for Charles. He holds out his hand for Charles to prevent himself from awkwardly standing there like a chauffeur. Charles gracefully takes his hand and allows Erik to pull him out of his seat, a mischievous smile taking over his face.

 

“I didn’t think you’d have any manners.” Charles taunts.

 

“I don’t.” Erik drops Charles’s hand and begins to shove himself back in his seat.

 

“Wait!” Charles whines. “You’re coming with him.”

 

Erik is on the brink of eye-rolling. “Really now? Why’s that?”

 

Charles scrabbles for a reasonable response, disarray on his face. He finally comes to a conclusion, and shares with Erik. “I don’t trust you with my car. Therefore, you must accompany me to assure you don’t drive off with it.”

 

Charles places his hands on his hips and puffs out his chest in satisfaction. His eyes are closed, giving Erik a lovely view of his feathery lashes. They remind Erik of brushstrokes on a painting, imperfectly in length yet perfectly fitting for Charles. That’s all Erik gets to admire before Charles’s eyes greet him once more, as blue as the sky. No, brighter, he thinks as the corner of Charles’s eyes lift in a smile. Like sapphires, Erik concludes.

 

“Are you just going to stand there looking at me like I’m going to be your next murder victim or are we going to get some lunch?” Charles complains.

 

“Quit your whining, you’re the one who stopped in the first place.”

 

“Whatever.” Charles pouts and stalks off to his cafe. Erik rolls his eyes once more and follows.

 

+++

 

“Is that your boyfriend?” The blonde cashier asks Charles, amusement in her eyes.

 

“No. This is my co-worker Erik. With a K.” Charles chants, unaware of the blush taking over his cheeks. He blushes so easily. Erik files that charming piece of information in into his growing knowledge of Charles. “I’ll get my usual Emma. And he’ll get… A BLT. To-go.”

 

“Whatever you say, Charles.” The girl winks.

 

The girl— Emma, thanks nametag— shuffles off into the back to get their sandwiches. The barista begins to brew coffee for Charles, who’s taken a seat on the counter. Erik pulls up a stool next to him and they let the silence blanket over, Charles conjuring up a book to read and Erik staring off into space. Someone taps him on the shoulder and Erik practically jumps on the counter. It’s the barista, Sean. The kid can’t be over eighteen, head like a mop and acne sprinkled at random.

 

“Are you going out with Charles?” The kid whispers, the entire time eyeing Charles.

 

“Won’t he hear us?” Erik whispers back. He doesn’t even know why he’s playing along.

 

“Once he starts reading you have to slap the book out of his hand to make him stop.” Sean shoots back. “So, are you? Because you keep looking at him and it’s kinda creepy.”

 

“No, but I want to.” Erik lets out by accident. What’s with him and telling teenagers about his love life?

 

An audible gasp escapes Sean, who’s now shaking with excitement. “You mean you like him? Because everyone’s been trying to get him to get a boyfriend so he doesn’t work himself to death you know. Emma’s on the brink of getting him a blind date just to make him stop burying himself in his office every day. You should ask him out! It’s do him some good.”

 

“And why am I going to listen to some teenager with a mop head who’s probably never gotten laid?” Erik lifts his eyebrow, letting his true nature shine. 

 

Sean though, is unfazed. “Well, why did you tell me about your crush on him then? Seems to me you need some help getting laid too. Not as much as me probably, but still. Anyways, he loves to eat sandwiches and drink wine, to take him on a picnic for your first date. Good luck.” Sean give him a small salute before going back behind the counter to finish off Charles’s coffee. The same time he slides it in front of Charles, Emma struts out of the kitchen, two to-go bags in hand. Erik can smell the bacon from here, and it smells amazing.

 

“Lunch for two.” Emma calls, dropping the bags in front of an oblivious Charles. “Honey please, stop ruining your eyesight.” Emma places her hands in front of the page Charles has been reading and promptly slams the book shut. “You already have to wear glasses. At least stop hunching over them and read at a reasonable distance.”

 

“Hey! I can take care of myself  _ just fine,  _ thank you.” Charles argues.

 

“Tell that to the last time you tried to cook and burnt down one of your kitchen cabinets.” Emma taunts. Charles goes right red and his fingers curl in on themselves.

 

“Shut up, Emma!”

 

“I only speak the truth. Now, go back to the school so your boyfriend can eat.” Emma shrugs.

 

“He’s not my boyfriend!” Charles hisses.

 

“Finally, something we can agree on.” Erik sighs. “Let’s go before you silly string her.” Erik shoves Charles out of the store, coffee and bags in hand. Charles sticks out his tongue at Emma as he hits the door, and she returns the favor, albeit more gracefully. 

 

+++

 

The drive back is uneventful, Charles busy coddling his lunch and Erik too busy actually watching the road. The one time Erik looks over at Charles though, he sees Charles lovingly staring back at his sandwich bag. Erik wonders what’s keeping Charles from just tearing into it in the car. Erik’s grumbling stomach tells him that Charles isn’t trying to taunt him.

 

+++

 

“What makes her think you’re my boyfriend anyways?” Charles fusses as they walk back to Charles’s office. “I just met you like a week ago!”

 

“She doesn’t know that. She could’ve assumed I’m your prince charming coming to save you from the terrors of college children and ready to whisk you away to Fiji. Or a drunken one night stand you can’t shake off from following you around like a long lost puppy. You never know.” Erik muses.

 

“I would never have the time to get drunk and hook up with you. And drunk me would have better taste.” Charles gives a theatrical once over at Erik before shaking his hand with a frown. 

 

“I thought I was the ‘Hot German Guy’.” Erik retorts.

 

Charles lights up like Rudolph’s nose and furiously turns away. “Shut up. I meant your personality. All sour like a lime.”

 

“You can sweeten me up any time, sugar.” Erik smirks. He doesn’t know how he does it, but every conversation can turn into a flirt-fest if he tries hard enough. It’s one of his hidden talents.

 

“Horrible.” Charles utters as he fumbles open his door and crashes onto his couch, arms protectively over his coffee and sandwich. Once properly settled in, he places his coffee on the counter and rips into his lunch bag. Erik has yet to sit down when he’s already taken a bite out of his panini. The sound Charles makes when eating should be illegal. With every ‘mpmh’ and ‘ah’ Charles utters with his mouth full it becomes exponentially harder for Erik to eat his damn sandwich. The only thing keeping him from just jumping on Charles and either fucking him into his couch or yelling at him to stop is need for a job. Instead, he opts to angrily shake his leg and shove his BLT into his mouth. For a man entering his thirties he sure has the sex drive of a high schooler. It’s terrible.

 

Charles finishes his sandwich in about five minutes before pulling yet another out of his bag. This time, it’s a reuben. To Erik’s disbelief, Charles instantly begins scarfing that one down too, and Erik’s not even halfway through his first. “Just what is your usual?” Erik’s brows furrow in confusion as he watches Charles takes the biggest bite humanly possible.

 

“Two sandwiches and a latte. Emma didn’t like it when I just stick to clubs and subs so she decided to forbid me from buying the same sandwich twice. I didn’t want to pick at random so now Emma just gets me whatever she feels like. I can’t believe I used to  _ only  _ order those two.” Charles chatters on, mouth still full. “Everything in her store is so good! The only reason why I got you a BLT is because  _ everyone  _ likes bacon. Wait. Oh shoot! Are you religious?”

 

“Don’t worry, I stopped being Jewish long ago.” Erik mumbles out, not really ready to breach that subject.

 

“Oh.” Charles whispers, obviously noticing the change in attitude. “Sorry.”

 

“It’s alright.” Erik responds, unusually focused on his BLT. “I’ll tell you about it some other day.” He adds, wanting to void Charles’s apparent distress.

 

“Promise?” Charles sticks out his pinky like a child.

 

“Fine. In return, you also must tell me some tragic backstory of yours.” Erik jokes, wanting to lift the mood.

 

“It’s a deal.” Charles crosses pinkies with Erik and shakes in a contract well made. They get back to finishing their sandwiches in a comforting silence.

 

+++

 

Charles is just about to throw away his bag into the compost outside when he notices something sticking to the bottom. He sticks his hand inside and unearths a note written by Emma.

 

‘Charles, Erik is a catch. Do  _ NOT  _ lose him. -Emma’

  
Charles has never shoved something back inside a bag and thrown the bag away so fast in his life. Thank the lords Erik’s still in his room and not in the parking lot with him. He doesn’t have to look in a mirror to know his face is on fire. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> clarification: erik's like 29 and charles is like 27 or smth (total geniuses teaching at Oxford, honestly)


End file.
